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CONNYSHONIE is underwater. We begin, close, with the rhythm of his breathing through his aqualung.
Suddenly he surfaces. At that instant we get the new acoustic of the above-water world. Lap of waves. A gull cries.
CONNYSHONIE spits out his mouthpiece, coughs and breathes fresh air deeply. A rubbery twang as he pulls back his facemask. |
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CONNYSHONIE swims, getting his breath back. He speaks to us as he swims.
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| CONNYSHONIE | I have done the worst thing a man can do, and I have done it six billion times. I have killed everyone in the world. All except one person, the worst of all of them... (With deep distaste) ...except myself. I have not yet killed Jethro Coldwinter. He and I are the only men left on Earth and soon I shall be the last. There he is, sunning himself on the beach, pouring himself a brandy because there are no servants left to pour it for him. Look! The glint of his gold rings in the sun. He is reading a newspaper, one of the last, full of news about me and what I've been doing. When I have swum close enough I shall raise my harpoon-gun from the water and pin that newspaper to his chest. What a beautiful place this is! The palms. The white sand. And how full of fish the sea will be in a year or two. Yes, he was eating fish, wasn't he... the last time I was here. I thought I was in Spain. I'd flown to Spain to meet him. But they'd drugged me and I woke up days later in a speedboat skimming across the bay... the Caribbean, perhaps. Or Indonesia... |
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A speedboat skimming fast across the bay. The cry of gulls. |
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Waking up, groggy.) Where am I? Ooooh, my head! (With his fingers on his tongue) And my tongue's all swollen.
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| LOPEZ | You awake, Mr. Connyshonie? You should be... I gave you the stuff to make you awake. Mr. Connyshonie!!! MR. CONNYSHONIE!!!!
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| CONNYSHONIE | Hey, don't call me that!
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| LOPEZ | It's your name, isn't it?
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| CONNYSHONIE | It's a secret. Nobody knows my real name. Nobody. Not even my own mother. Who are you, anyway?
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| LOPEZ | Lopez.
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Getting painfully to his feet) That your real name?
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| LOPEZ | Aw, I've got lots of names, real names, false names, but they're all called Lopez.
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The speedboat stops in the water. The waves lap at it. |
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| LOPEZ | We'd better wait here. Mr. Coldwinter is on the beach having his lunch. Look through my binoculars and you'll see him.
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Looking through binoculars) My eyes are all blurry... Oh yes, there he is. What a pig of a man!
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| LOPEZ | Good binoculars, aren't they? I stay up all night watching the stars through them.
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| CONNYSHONIE | Why can't we just go ashore?
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| LOPEZ | We wait till he has finished his fish.
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| CONNYSHONIE | There's three more fish on the barbecue behind him. Couldn't we go ashore and wait?
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| LOPEZ | We wait here till he's eaten however many fish he can eat.
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| CONNYSHONIE | But I'm hungry. If we go straight ashore I can have a fish myself.
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| LOPEZ | We wait here. (A sudden idea.) I sing for you while we wait, okay? (Strums guitar, sings horribly in squeaky Spanish.) Guantanamera... guajira... guantanamera... Guantanamera...
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Complains to himself while LOPEZ sings) I must be dreaming.
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The beach. Gentle lap of waves. Parrots squawk in the background. |
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The sound of COLDWINTER greedily sucking fishbones. He burps. He drinks. His voice might be American, or Russian... perhaps he started out as a Greek.
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| COLDWINTER | (Mouth half full, while picking his teeth) What was you and Lopez doing sitting out there in the bay all that time? Out of gas?
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| CONNYSHONIE | We were waiting for you to finish your meal.
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| COLDWINTER | (Deeply impressed) Very considerate of you, Mr. Connyshonie... (Whispers the name and chuckles.).. Mr. Connyshonie. If there's one thing I appreciate in a man, it's consideration for others. (Barks.) LOPEZ!!! Fetch me five more of those fish!!!!
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| LOPEZ | (Hurrying) Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
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| CONNYSHONIE | You are Jethro Coldwinter?
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| COLDWINTER | (Amazed at the question) Of course.
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| CONNYSHONIE | How can I be sure of that, sir?
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| COLDWINTER | (Angry, with authority) I am Jethro Coldwinter. (Amiable.) Sit down, Mr. (whispers the name) Connyshonie. You can watch me eat.
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| CONNYSHONIE | It's not Connyshonie. It's...(Thinks) ...Lopez. You can call me Lopez from now on.
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| COLDWINTER | But Lopez is called Lopez. I might get confused.
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| CONNYSHONIE | I'll take that risk.
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| COLDWINTER | (A slow laugh.) Mr. ... Lopez. I've brought you here to my home, which is a rare privilege I can tell you... isn't it, Lopez?
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| LOPEZ | (Serving fish to him) A rare privilege, sir.
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| COLDWINTER | (While eating disgustingly) I've brought you here, Mr. Lopez, because you are the World's greatest assassin. The last three American Presidents, all shot by you. Brilliant work, Mr. Lopez.
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| CONNYSHONIE | I couldn't have a bit of fish, could I?
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| COLDWINTER | (Impatiently) Later... later.
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| CONNYSHONIE | A tail would do.
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| COLDWINTER | (Barks) Later. (All pally again.) You have worked miracles, Mr. Lopez. Miracles that have amazed the world as much as the raising of Lazarus, because you have shot Lazarus, Mr. Lopez, again and again, you have shot him dead, Mr. Lopez.
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| CONNYSHONIE | Who is it, sir, that you wish me to kill?
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| COLDWINTER | (Coughs and splutters, so that we can only just hear him say) Everybody. (Coughs some more.) A fishbone! A fishbone! (He glugs some water.)
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| LOPEZ | (Fussing) Shall I fetch your nurse, sir? (Calls) Jessica! Jessica!
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| COLDWINTER | (Very vexed.) I'm alright, alright. I've swallowed it. (Recovering himself, in sudden earnest) Mr. Lopez, I wish you to kill everybody.)
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Not taking this seriously) Everybody?
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| COLDWINTER | (In a staccato rush) Everybody in the World. Every last one. Man, woman, child of every race, creed and colouration. Start in the far-away places, the countrysides, the farms, and then the small towns in the silly countries, and then the towns of the medium-sized countries, then the cities of countries nobody cares about and then pass your shadow across the great cities, but only the poor folks of the great cities at first. Build it up slowly. The poorest, then the not so poor, then those is tacky little houses, then those with one car in the garage, then those with two cars. Kill those with 20 goats before you kill those with 25. Build it up slowly: poorest, not-so-poor, the okay-off, the middlers, the better off, the even-better off, till there's only the rich left. Kill them all, all, build up to the very richest, the string-pullers, in every country, town and mountaintop. All of them, everyone, every street and room full, got it, one at a time. Everybody in the world, Mr. Lopez...
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Half amused, half worried) But it will take years, forever, countless lifetimes.
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| COLDWINTER | No it won't. Truly, Mr. Lopez. God is on our side. A miracle will be wrought! (After a drink of brandy, shyly) God has been talking to me, you see.
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| CONNYSHONIE | Has he?
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| COLDWINTER | I can see by your face, Mr. Lopez, that you don't believe me. God, talking to the World's richest man... crazy, huh? I didn't believe it myself. I thought maybe... food poisoning ...or the C.I.A. speaking to me through their bugs. (A holy sound in his voice) But wherever I went God went with me. And do you know what he said to me, Mr. Lopez?
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| CONNYSHONIE | I shudder to think.
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| COLDWINTER | He said photography had destroyed his lovely world of men. He said that if a person has their photograph taken they lose their soul... it flies straight from their heart into one of the Devil's many fists, Mr. Lopez. He said that everyone in the world has had their photo taken, even babies still sticky from the womb have had their photo taken. God said... God said, Mr. Lopez... that there wasn't a soul left on Earth. Except mine... and Jessica's, of course. God managed to get them back for us.
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| CONNYSHONIE | He did?
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| COLDWINTER | He did. He was so worried about his world, Mr. Lopez. And he was crying, I could tell. (Tears in his voice) There were tears in his voice. He didn't know what he should do. But I talked it over with him and he agreed with my suggestion that we should start the world over again. With me and Jessica as Adam and Eve, Mr. Lopez. Our sons, Jessica's and mine, shall be the new race of men. (Very excited) Isn't it wonderful, Mr. Lopez! Oh, Mr. Lopez! A new world. Have you seen Jessica? Oh, she's beautiful, Mr. Lopez. A dream on legs. (In sudden fear) But you mustn't harm Jessica, Mr. Lopez. Everyone but Jessica. Okay?
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| CONNYSHONIE | I won't harm Jessica.
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| COLDWINTER | Not Jessica. But everyone else. The whole world from Siberia to the South Seas. From Amsterdam to Zanzibar, Mr. Lopez. Mr. Lopez?
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| CONNYSHONIE | Yes.
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| COLDWINTER | Will you do it, Mr. Lopez? I'll pay you billions, billions and trillions. And God, Mr. Lopez, he will give you a new soul, Mr. Lopez. A new soul, Mr. Lopez. Will you take the contract? Kill the world, Mr. Lopez.
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Laughs.)
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| COLDWINTER | For Jethro Coldwinter and for God and the future of the world, Mr. Lopez. Clear the Garden of its weeds, Mr. Lopez, so that flowers may grow again. Will you do it, Mr. Lopez?
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Laughing) Yes, yes, I don't see why not. Shall I start with Lopez, here?
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| LOPEZ | Hey, you two, you joke, huh? (Off like a rabbit.) No, no... shoot me last... don't... no!
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LOPEZ doesn't get far. The PHUFFFFT shot of a gun with silencer. A mild cry from LOPEZ as he falls heavily on sand. |
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| COLDWINTER | (Hugely amused, applauds.) Whaaaaaa!!!!!! WHAAAAAA!!!!!! Did you see that, Lord? Mr. Lopez shot Lopez!!!
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He bangs the table like a mad baby, rattling the spoons. He laughs and laughs, a fierce savage laughter.
In the background a speedboat starts off and zooms into the distance.
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| COLDWINTER | (Calling after)Good luck, Mr. Lopez!!! Good luck! (He roars with laughter. Shouts) Jessica! Jessica! It has begun! The world is ours, my love!!!!
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Africa. The squawk of a parrot. The sound of MINJI, a boy, running barefoot across dusty ground. |
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| MINJI | (In great distress, breathless as he approaches fast) Sergeant Ukwu! Sergeant Ukwu! Sergeant Ukwu!
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Africa. Sound of his footsteps as he enters the little wooden police hut. |
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| SERGEANT UKWU | (Yawns. Calmly) You have woken up a policeman, Minji, my boy. There is a law against that, I am sure. I shall look it up. (He flicks through his lawbook.)
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| MINJI | (Deeply earnest, sometimes weeping.) My village, Sergeant Ukwu. You must come. A man is there. A white man. He came in a jeep and left it in the dry river. He is shooting everyone. My uncles are dead. Sergeant Ukwu! SERGEANT UKWU!!! Everyone will be dead unless you come! You are our only hope, Sergeant Ukwu!
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The sound of a silenced gunshot, as before. SERGEANT UKWU goes "Ooooo" calmly, and slumps onto his desk. |
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| MINJI | (In utter horror) Sergeant Ukwu! Sergeant Ukwu! Sergeant...
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Another shot. MINJI cries out in pain. |
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A church in Germany.
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| PRIEST | (Sermonizing in background) ...Man that is born of woman hath but a short time to live and is full of misery...
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| HERR GRAUBER | (Whispering close) This is the thirteenth funeral I've been to this month. What's happening to everybody?
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| FRAU GRAUBER | Somebody's shooting everybody, dear. I've told you I don't know how many times.
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| HERR GRAUBER | Nonsense. It's something they're eating.
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| FRAU GRAUBER | They're being shot, dear. Somebody called Lopez. Terrible news from Africa and there's hardly anyone left in Belgium.
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| HERR GRAUBER | Absolutely ridiculous! They just say it to sell newspapers. Belgium's as busy as ever, I'm sure.
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The same silenced gunshot as before. A little cry from FRAU GRAUBER. |
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| HERR GRAUBER | Don't I have a brother in Belgium?
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FRAU GRAUBER falls into his arms with a painful sigh.
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| HERR GRAUBER | Frederica! Frederica! Oh, Lord, take me next! Take me!
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Another gunshot.
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GENERAL STOKES of the U.S. Army speaks into his telephone.
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| GENERAL STOKES | (Furious as only a General can be.) Hello! Switchboard! Hello! Put me through, goddammit! Hello!
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| CONNYSHONIE | (From phone) Hello.
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| GENERAL STOKES | This is General Stokes. I wanna speak to the man in charge over there. Hello! Hello!
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| CONNYSHONIE | (From phone) Hello.
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| GENERAL STOKES | Are you the man in charge?
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| CONNYSHONIE | (From phone. Slow and threatening.) I might be.
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| GENERAL STOKES | Are you or are you not the man in charge? Somebody has to give me a full report! This is damned serious! We've gotta stop this Lopez guy before he kills everybody!
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| CONNYSHONIE | Well, sir, we rounded up everyone called Lopez. Everyone in the world called Lopez we put in our security compound in the Nevada desert, sir.
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| GENERAL STOKES | Yeah, yeah.
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| CONNYSHONIE | But while we were interrogating them, sir, I'm sorry to say...
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| GENERAL STOKES | (Worried) Yeah?
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| CONNYSHONIE | Someone shot them.
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| GENERAL STOKES | SOMEONE SHOT THEM??!!!
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| CONNYSHONIE | One by one, sir. They are all dead, sir.
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| GENERAL STOKES | Can't all be dead! The guy we're after - Lopez... he was in there with all the other Lopezes. There has to be one Lopez left kicking, because that's our Lopez, the Lopez who shot all the other Lopezes, right?!
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| CONNYSHONIE | Wrong, sir.
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| GENERAL STOKES | WRONG???
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| CONNYSHONIE | If you come and stand by the window, sir, I'll tell you who shot all the Lopezes. It's someone you know, sir.
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| GENERAL STOKES | (Getting up and walking across to the window, phone in hand.) Jeez, someone I know! In front of the window? Here okay?
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| CONNYSHONIE | A step to the left, please, sir.
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The sound of GENERAL STOKES's step.
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| CONNYSHONIE | No, to the left, sir.
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| GENERAL STOKES | Sorry.
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The sound of GENERAL STOKES's two steps to the left.
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| GENERAL STOKES | Cummon, spill the beans... it's someone I know...
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| CONNYSHONIE | It's me, sir
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| GENERAL STOKES | You? Say, just who the hell are you, anyway?
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A rifle-shot which goes PLINKKKK through the window glass. A cry from GENERAL STOKES. The phone whines like a machine in a hospital . |
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Back where we started with CONNYSHONIE in the water. He swims three more strokes . |
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| CONNYSHONIE | My toes can almost touch the bottom. Nearly... Now all I do is raise my harpoon-gun out of the water and pin his newspaper to his chest. Gently does it. Allow for the breeze.
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A twang of the harpoon zinging off. Pause while he waits for it to hit . |
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| COLDWINTER | (In pain, in distance.) Jessica! Jessica!
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Close, CONNYSHONIE swims fast and furious
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CONNYSHONIE runs dripping up the beach. Parrots squawk gently in the distance
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| COLDWINTER | (Weakly) Jessica... Jessica...
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Mad with anguish, walking around and around his victims chair.) How did I do it? Tell me, you must know? How was it possible! What kind of miracle? Six billion people one by one. Time seemed to stop still for me. I walked like a ghost. No one could stop me. I can't believe what I've done, what you made me do!
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| COLDWINTER | (A death rattle in his voice) The Lord will reward you with the gift of a new soul.
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Stops still.) But I've killed everybody... everybody... even you. I had to kill you, after what you made me do, you understand that, don't you? Say you understand.
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Sickly breathing from COLDWINTER
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Blank and exhausted.) Anyhow, I'm sure you had something planned for me, Mr. Coldwinter? Eh? So you could be alone in the world with your Jessica. Yes, I was right to kill you. At least with you. (With a gasp, unbelieving.) But those six billiion others!
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| COLDWINTER | Please, Mr. Lopez... don't harm Jessica. She must be sleeping. Naked under a single sheet. With an open book on the table beside her. Oh, Jessica... I want to see her face, Mr. Lopez. Don't harm Jessica. Don't harm the child she carries. Mr. Lopez.
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Tearful.) I won't, sir. I promise. I won't.
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A hushed room. Windchimes playing at a window
. |
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Whispers) Jessica. Jessica.
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| JESSICA | Who are you? Get out of my room.
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| CONNYSHONIE | (Not quite giving up his whisper.) I've some bad news, Jessica. Mr. Coldwinter is dead.
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| JESSICA | Oh, no. How? His heart?
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| CONNYSHONIE | Someone called Lopez. Shot him with a harpoon-gun. Lopez is gone now. Drowned in the sea.
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| JESSICA | Who are you?
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| CONNYSHONIE | My name is Patrick Connyshonie.
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| JESSICA | I must get dressed. Would you please leave the room.
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| CONNYSHONIE | The sea shall be so full of fish, Jessica. (Walks away.) Jessica?
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| JESSICA | Yes, Mr. Connyshonie?
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| CONNYSHONIE | I have loved you since I first heard your name. For weeks, months, I don't know how long, while I have been so busy with other things, I have only thought of you. Jessica. Jessica.
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The waves lap at the shore
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Play out gently with 'Guantanamera', an instrumental version
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